Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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