the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
