If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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