my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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