Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
