I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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