i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
