i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize