i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
