Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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