I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
