A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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