I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
