nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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