So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
