i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
