Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
