Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
