So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
