i permit you to call me
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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