girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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