I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
