If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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