Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
