We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
