I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
