Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
