Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
