We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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