went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
