How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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