hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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