Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
