I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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