Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
