We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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