why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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