I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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