Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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