I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
