so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
