This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My liver just had a heart attack.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Hello my rib-scented angel!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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