My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
