That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
