I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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