Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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