I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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