i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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