I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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