The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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