Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
