good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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