This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
