yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
