we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
