high people should be assigned attendants
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
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Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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