I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
