We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this must be what syphilis tastes like
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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