If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize
