Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
