ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
