i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
