So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
