i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
