great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Terrible idea I love it
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
