Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
