I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
