I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
