I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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