come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
