Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
